My Mind and My Body Disagree

I believe, truly believe, that my daughter's life will be an amazing story.  She has already done and will continue to do incredible things.  But there's still a mommy inside of me who doesn't want "extraordinary".  Some days, I dream of "normal", of "easy".  I long for "problems" like whether my child is getting her fair share of playing time in the soccer games.

Today is one of those days.  Sam ran a fever earlier this week.  Now she's complaining of headaches, and has been having a strange facial twitch.  The pediatrician called the neurologist.  The neurologist is working us in on an emergency basis.  I'm quite sure this means another MRI, complete with scary anaesthesia. 

Meanwhile, our full-time nanny has just found an awesome part-time job in a medical office - her dream - so I will only have half as many of her hours to help with the kids while I earn a living and make it to all of Sam's appointments.  I am genuinely very happy for her; in fact, I referred her for the job.  And the reduced schedule is a blessing of its own sort, as I recently lost my largest client due to their corporate relocation, and I really couldn't afford a full-time nanny anyway. 

I know that God provides our daily bread.  I know we receive what we need, when we need it, if we look to him.  I know that Sam will live the best life she is able to live, and that she is God's child too.  So, why is my stomach in knots and my heart beating faster today?

These are the days for mind over matter. 
"Feed your fears, and your faith will starve.  Feed your faith, and your fears will." 
- Max Lucado, from Fearless

Kicking It Up a Notch

This week will be a big week.  I am going to officially start soliciting stories for the website.  I'm starting at my church (Stonebridge Church in The Woodlands) and at an awesome group called Parents Supporting Parents - The Woodlands.  It's a support group for parents of kids with disabilities.  I love this group because it doesn't focus on any specific disabilities, which is sort of unusual, and my daughter doesn't have any specific diagnosis.  It's really just parents getting together and chatting about everything from how to work better with doctors to how to deal with the neighbor who can't stop talking about her perfect kid.

BTW, if you have a kid with disabilities, you may get a grin from "Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid", a website started by a couple of sisters whose kids face some special challenges.

If you're interested in contributing your story to the site, please comment here or fill out the form.

A Fearless Vision

My book club at church has been reading an amazing book this month, Fearless by Max Lucado.  My husband's step-brother goes to Lucado's church in San Antonio and met his lovely bride at a bible study there.  He is a scary-smart engineering type (who will chuckle if he reads this) and she is a NICU nurse. As the mother of a child who walked the line between life and death in two different NICUs, I admire so much anyone who can do her job.  Someone who can do her job and keep a sense of humor (as she has) gets double points.  I should have known they were onto a good thing.  This is the first of Lucado's books I've read, but I think I should have started sooner.


I haven't made it all the way through, but the theme is "What would you do if you could live your life without fear?"  The gist is that God provides what we need, when we need it, if we approach Him with faith and (I think this next bit sometimes get lost) are working toward His goals.

For me, I think the answer to that question is this:  I would like to grow this blog into an illuminating resource for folks who have tough problems in life.  Job loss.  Loss of a loved one.  Terminal illness.  A gravely ill child.  A disability.   At one time or another, that will be almost all of us.  Those who go to their graves with a smile on their faces will do so not because they had it easy, but because they lived well.  I know some amazing people who have come through very dark times - some of them are still going through very dark times - and yet they are a light for those around them.  I want to share those stories of light and share the books, music, and other resources that have helped those survivors find joy.

And, hey, what better time than while I am between major clients to get started?  Fasten your seat belts - this driver is Fearless!

Tip of the Day for Being a Brazen Optimist: Talk to a Friend

A friend called me this morning to talk.  Not because she needed anything from me, mind you.  She called because she had seen me yesterday and felt pretty sure I was nearing the end of my rope at the time.  She was probably right.  And let me tell you, just venting for 20 minutes and having someone else tell me the things I've been telling myself all along made a world of difference. 

"You need to let that go."
"You are not in control of those things."
"You can't possibly blame yourself for that."

It's important to realize that being a brazen optimist does not mean you're happy at all moments in time.  It also doesn't mean you should bottle everything up and solve everything on your own.

When I hung up the phone, I felt like all the cobwebs and clutter had been swept from my brain.  I felt re-focused, re-energized, and productive.  Maybe next time I will be savvy enough to "phone a friend" before I get to the end of the rope.